I’ve got four months left until baby time. Lori has her shirt pulled up to let her belly breath and she’s licking donut powder off her fingers. It’s getting pretty real now. We’ll find out the sex within the next couple of weeks. A lot of people have asked me if we want a girl or a boy. I decided that it’s a ridiculous question. If I said I wanted a girl, and it was a boy, wouldn’t it feel weird trying to explain that I really don’t care either way? I imagined a conversation where I was telling someone, that knew I was hoping for a particular sex, that we had the opposite sex.
“Oh wow! So, is it a girl or a boy?”
“It’s a boy!”
“Yay! Um, that’s so great.”
“Yeah, it is. I mean, a boy is great. We really didn’t care either way. I know I told you we did, but we don’t. You know, boys are great because they’re rough and stuff. Sometimes girls can be a handful as teenagers. I mean, girls are great too and all, but we’re glad to have a boy… even thought I said I wanted a girl. It’s fine. Really, I’m so happy. It doesn’t matter. Things are great. Lori’s passed out. Yay, a boy!”
“Ummm. Ok”
We’re trying to avoid that scenario. Anyway, Lori’s still pregnant. Her water is in tact and her back pain as well. I’ll let you know when we do.
Hey everyone, I have received your concerns, criticisms, and pleas for help. Have no fear, we at the Freeing My Mind headquarters have no intention of ending the blog. Life has been crazy, thus the recent hiatus. For instance:
I moved across the country two weeks ago. Lori, Cash, Whole-Grain and I sold our cars, packed everything we own into a moving truck and drove from North Carolina to San Francisco. We were homeless for a few days, but we got an amazing place right on the beach. The day after we moved in, we headed up to Alberta for a few days. I really love the people up there. I think it was my 7 or 8 time at that particular church. I think they keep inviting me back for their own entertainment, just to see what zany idea I’ll come up with next.
So, yeah, we actually did feel homeless for a few days. I think the first day we were here I called about 40 different apartment ads. We sat in the moving truck in front of a coffee shop and leeched off their internet. Of course, the place we ended up getting, was a simple God-ordained instance of driving by and calling a number. Going from a two-bedroom house to a two-room apartment is turning out to be more of an adjustment than I originally thought. Lori’s coming up with some creative ways to save space, but it hasn’t been easy.
We got an iPad, or rather we received an iPad. Our friends Shane and Jess gave us one before we left. Yes, you do need friends like that. I’m having a hard time going back to my laptop at all. It’s just so pretty.
I watched dolphins from my living room the other day.
Lori is still pregnant.
Cash is trying to get used to living in the city. He has only pooped on the sidewalk once. Good thing we were carrying groceries. The bags do a great job at picking up the poop so the nice Chinese man didn’t have to step in it.
I didn’t realize until I got out here and settled in, just how lifeless I had been feeling in North Carolina. Sometimes you don’t realize your having trouble breathing until you inhale fresh air. That’s what it feels like.
So, I’ve got two focuses for the immediate future. For one, the main edit is done on my book. I still have to go through it myself, but that shouldn’t take long. I’m still being wishy-washy on deciding the title. It’ll come to me though. I’m also focusing on getting our team out here. I think sometimes I take for granted how spontaneous Lori and I are. For most people it’s not easy to drop everything and move to California. Some would say it’s our incredible faith, I would say it’s our lack of thinking mixed with God’s grace.
I saw Christopher Nolan’s new movie yesterday. Inception. It really is a must see. I had heard some comparisons to The Matrix. I understand where the comparisons are coming from, but I would go into it without any preconceived ideas. Oh and set aside some time. It’s pretty long.
Ok, so my return to blogging is a little jagged and jumbled, but hopefully your’re up to speed. I’ll be back soon. Let me leave you with one question, what does it mean?
There seem to be certain watermarks in life that bring with them a higher place of respect in society. There will always be another one of these finish lines to cross, but it seems like accomplishing certain feats, which seem to be a somewhat normal fascit in life, mean that your somehow more qualified. The most extreme example would be ancient tales of 13 year-old boys venturing out into the wilderness in order to capture the tail of a lion or consume a poisonous plant and live to tell about it. Once these boys returned, they were deemed “men”. The most simple version from my life would be the yearly advancement from grade to grade beginning at kindergarten. With each new grade level you received a new found respect, but still had another grade above to keep you humble.
Graduation from high-school was one of these moments from me. I was turning 18 and with that number society had dictated that I could now fight in a war, gamble, vote and smoke cigarettes. Once I got married, at 22, all of a sudden I became some sort of “true adult”. The fact that I could introduce Lori as my wife was a useful tool when I wanted to prove my respectability as a 22 year old. And it worked. After a year of being married, I quickly discovered that not only could I reproduce, I was expected to. A few years down the road and the childless nature of my life seemed to be strange to people. Jokes were often made concerning my sperm count or Lori’s strange diet, but for us it just didn’t seem right yet. Once we got Cash (our 85 lb dog) we would use him to help keep up with our friends and family who were parents. The conversation would go something like this:
You would not believe what (insert child’s name here) did the other day!?
Oh no? What?
He/she starting laughing and clapping! Can you believe it!?
(My thoughts: Can I believe that a baby giggled and clapped their hands? Yes, I can believe it. Am I excited for you that that simple action brought you so much joy? Yes.)
Oh that’s great! I would love to see it. Cash barked the other day when I mentioned going to the park, can you believe it!? He started jumping on all fours! He looked like a goat!
(The usual response was a blank stare. Or a, “Oh wow.” People don’t respond well to you comparing your dog’s barking abilities with their infant’s giggles.)
It’s interesting that as soon as society discovers that your going to be a parent that they give you more respect. As if somehow we are now more qualified for life. The thing is, I feel less qualified than ever. From what I hear, this is normal. It’s not a fear thing really, more of a humbling thing. I expected Lori to go through all of these intense emotional and biological changes, but I never knew how much change would begin to happen in me. The moment that Lori sat me down and showed me that plastic pregnancy test, something clicked inside me. I felt like something was turned on. The last pregnancy test that Lori had taken was some years ago. We had to squint our eyes just to see if it might have a second line. The one she held in front of me a few weeks ago actually said “pregnant”. As I stared at the digital words on the small screen, I could have sworn that they were blinking at me like some road sign telling me that things were changing just up ahead. I had never thought about what might go through my head in this moment, but what did was something that is difficult to explain. I have never been so happy about something that I had no clue about. I have never felt so unqualified while at the same time having some kind of animalistic qualification awaken within me. It was really intersting how I immediately felt a need to protect Lori more so than I ever had before. I somewhat expected to have those feelings for the child, but I never considered that I would have those feelings for Lori. It’s actually a little weird, but in some way I like it. I don’t yet feel like a father, but I can honestly say that I feel more like a husband.
We learned of our little miracle growing inside my wife while on a vacation at Disney World with some of our family. On the drive home to North Carolina from Orlando, we spent hours on my iPhone doing research on what exactly was going on inside my wife. The first thing I learned was that our little bundle of joy was currently the size of a grain of rice, sported transparent outer coating and had a tail. While one part of me wanted to know why the heck my child had a tail, the better side of me won out. Discovering that our child was the size of piece of rice, we decided to lovingly call him/her “Whole Grain” for a little while. It’s weird, I know, but it’s us. The emotions that I felt at simply reading an ad-ridden internet page describing a 5 week embryo are something that I will never forget. Some would say, including my wife, that I can be quite even-keel in my emotions most of the time. I have a feeling that little Whole Grain is going to change that. If your ever read this, Whole Grain, I love you like crazy even now.
Well, I gotta run. My dad informed me a couple of hours ago that he was calling me at 3:00 and “did I have some time?” I hate when someone asks me that. It makes me nervous for the conversation the whole time waiting.
My boys, the Paper Tongues, were on the George Lopez show the other night. Enjoy!
