Hey everyone, I have received your concerns, criticisms, and pleas for help. Have no fear, we at the Freeing My Mind headquarters have no intention of ending the blog. Life has been crazy, thus the recent hiatus. For instance:
I moved across the country two weeks ago. Lori, Cash, Whole-Grain and I sold our cars, packed everything we own into a moving truck and drove from North Carolina to San Francisco. We were homeless for a few days, but we got an amazing place right on the beach. The day after we moved in, we headed up to Alberta for a few days. I really love the people up there. I think it was my 7 or 8 time at that particular church. I think they keep inviting me back for their own entertainment, just to see what zany idea I’ll come up with next.
So, yeah, we actually did feel homeless for a few days. I think the first day we were here I called about 40 different apartment ads. We sat in the moving truck in front of a coffee shop and leeched off their internet. Of course, the place we ended up getting, was a simple God-ordained instance of driving by and calling a number. Going from a two-bedroom house to a two-room apartment is turning out to be more of an adjustment than I originally thought. Lori’s coming up with some creative ways to save space, but it hasn’t been easy.
We got an iPad, or rather we received an iPad. Our friends Shane and Jess gave us one before we left. Yes, you do need friends like that. I’m having a hard time going back to my laptop at all. It’s just so pretty.
I watched dolphins from my living room the other day.
Lori is still pregnant.
Cash is trying to get used to living in the city. He has only pooped on the sidewalk once. Good thing we were carrying groceries. The bags do a great job at picking up the poop so the nice Chinese man didn’t have to step in it.
I didn’t realize until I got out here and settled in, just how lifeless I had been feeling in North Carolina. Sometimes you don’t realize your having trouble breathing until you inhale fresh air. That’s what it feels like.
So, I’ve got two focuses for the immediate future. For one, the main edit is done on my book. I still have to go through it myself, but that shouldn’t take long. I’m still being wishy-washy on deciding the title. It’ll come to me though. I’m also focusing on getting our team out here. I think sometimes I take for granted how spontaneous Lori and I are. For most people it’s not easy to drop everything and move to California. Some would say it’s our incredible faith, I would say it’s our lack of thinking mixed with God’s grace.
I saw Christopher Nolan’s new movie yesterday. Inception. It really is a must see. I had heard some comparisons to The Matrix. I understand where the comparisons are coming from, but I would go into it without any preconceived ideas. Oh and set aside some time. It’s pretty long.
Ok, so my return to blogging is a little jagged and jumbled, but hopefully your’re up to speed. I’ll be back soon. Let me leave you with one question, what does it mean?
Wow, the spam bots have finally discovered my blog. I’m trying to get a better filter, but it’s taking some time. I’m deleting about 50 comments a day. Honestly, does this sort of marketing actually work. What’s interesting is that the actual comments simply say things like, “Great blog and interesting layout. I’ll definitely be back.” The actual marketing links can only be seen by me. Weird.
I just returned from a pretty long trip. I was gone about two weeks. You would think that being amongst a lot of people would give me a lot to talk about, but for me it has the reverse effect. I’m usually either overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings or at times, annoyed. Hey it happens.
Other than a family vacation to Disney World, our one focus for the next month is getting all the details finalized for our move to San Francisco. It’s been amazing how many people have either committed or are considering coming with us. One of my prayers every day has been that God would send amazing people and He is. For anyone else that is interested in what we are going to be doing, hit me up on Facebook and I’d be glad to talk to you. http://facebook.com/craigkinsley
This nice lady came up to me after I got through speaking one night in Detroit. She had seen me some years back when I had just started traveling. She mentioned how much I had grown and how amazing it was to see. She also mentioned that I had put on some weight. At first I was surprised and maybe a little put-off, that was until I discovered that her comment actually drove to start working out fairly intensely. I think I’ve logged about 9 miles in the past three days and some pretty good weight training sessions. I had to dust off my Total Gym, but that thing actually works pretty well. So, to my blunt and honest friend out there, thank you.
Anyway, I saw a newscast recently. They were talking about this new thing called “internet”. I thought I would share it with you. Who knows where the future might take us. Much love.
A few things going on today: I just got Paper Tongues new album. If you’ve been following the blog, you’ve heard me talk about them. Amazingly talented guys and super feel-good music. If you only buy one track, my advice is “Everybody”. Check it on iTunes here and from their site here.
I took Monday and Tuesday just to chill. March was a bit crazy on me emotionally and spiritually. I finished the first draft of my book. I’m still playing around with title ideas, so not ready to reveal that just yet, but hopefully soon. Right now it’s with a few different people for editing, I’ll get it back and see what I like and don’t like with the edits. After that, I have to make a big decision about either going with a publisher or self-publishing. I’m pretty sure I could get a deal with a publisher, but how good the deal would be is another question. I don’t really like the idea of giving up the rights to my work, but I also want wide distribution.
How do I think people will respond to the book? Hopefully, overall very positive, but I’m sure I’ll get my share of criticism. I’m finally at a place where I am prepared for it and ready to just be me without worrying about the blow-back.
Part of the reason we had put our big move to San Francisco on the back burner was for me to finish the book. Now that I am in the home-stretch of getting that done, I’m ready to really start moving forward. Nothing is going to happen in April, I’ll be on the road for about three weeks and then I go to Indonesia around the first couple of weeks of May. After that, we plan on going to find a place and then making it there for good in the summer. In preparing, I’ve been really surprised just how different of a direction God is taking us. I’ve always said that in order to see what you’ve never seen, you have to do what you’ve never seen done. It’s gonna be a crazy journey, but hopefully we’re all ready. I’m going to be making a new video this weekend, a little longer and in more detail to give everybody a clearer update.
In the spirit of trying to make sure that I take in everything I can while we’re still in North Carolina, I’m trying to plan a rafting trip sometime this weekend. Hopefully all my friends can get away… you know who you are.
Last night, I had a lot of trouble sleeping. I think I had caffeine a little too late. It didn’t used to bother me, but I guess it’s just another sign that I’m getting older. I took a Benadryl to help me get to sleep, which seemed to help give me some insane dreams. One involved watching the initial casting of Growing Pains and Elisabeth Hasselbeck telling me that she was moving to San Francisco with us. As long as she at least tries to bring Whoopie Goldberg with her, I’m all for it.
Anyway, just a quick update. Much love.
Comment away.
Today’s inspiration is a children’s choir rendition of Jonathan Coulton’s song “Still Alive” from the Valve’s video game Portal. This is so awesome. I hope the choir director still has his job.
I’m not much into flowers, I mean they’re great and everything (my wife bought me some the other day, thanks Lo), but as far as the smell goes… I don’t get it. They don’t really smell all that great. They don’t smell bad, but they don’t really smell much at all. Curry, now that smells good.
It’s really not such a random thought. I was drinking some coffee this morning and looking out on the mountains that surround my house. The sun was shining (Thank God) and it was all pretty euphoric. It got me thinking about how much I’m going to miss living in the middle of nowhere and fairly high in the mountains. Me and my peeps have been discussing how different everything is going to be when we all get to San Francisco. You take a place like Moravian Falls and juxtapose it to San Francisco and more than likely your brain will explode. I think it would be safe to say that, at least within the US, that there are not two more different places. While I was in a bit of hurry to get out of here not too long ago, I think I need to take some time and enjoy where I am. Hopefully, it will continue to warm up and I can get some fishing in.
Sometimes we forget to just enjoy life. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and be content with my accomplishments, but regret not stopping to enjoy and appreciate the world around me, the people around me. That’s something that I need to work on. If I’m not careful, I’ll take for granted the life that I’ve been able to live over the past 3 years. I’ve found that sometimes I’m so focused on what’s ahead of me that I lose track of what’s in front of me. Sure, I’m super pumped about the new life that God is taking us to, but the amount of just chilling I’ve been able to do has been a gift. I think a lot of that is going to change. I should use the next couple of months to be more aware. If I can’t noticed the fingerprint of God in the midst of nothing, would I really have a chance at seeing it in the midst of everything? Probably not. Sometimes you just gotta stop and smell the roses.
Taking a break from all the thinking, plotting and planning, concerning our move to San Francisco in order to focus on this writing this book has been good for me. There’s something about taking what’s in your heart and putting it into written words that is very different than speaking. I’m really learning to choose my words carefully and let my though process go to places that it normally doesn’t. It’s actually helping me to clear my head and bit and focus in on where we are going as a ministry.
A lot of people have been asking me what the book is about. I’ll let you know when I do. Right now the word document is called, thenewbook.doc I’ll eventually have to change that. I’m thinking about posting a snippet of it to the blog. I’m the kind of guy who is always looking for feedback, but I’m also the kind of guy who likes surprises.
To all of you who have either a passing interest or an enthusiastic passion concerning our plotting and planning for San Francisco: I’m going to try and put up a new video the next couple of days. Anyway, just wanted to say hello world… I’m alive and well. Much love.
My brother always provides me with good content when I don’t time to search for stuff on my own. Today’s inspiration is no exception. This is a music video from Aaron Ivey which features a song that is inspired by his adopted children. It’s really moving and some of the best stuff I’ve heard in a while. Enjoy.
Let’s start at the beginning. My life, up to this point, has seemed to be a continuous journey to discover both my Creator and the reason for my creation. While I discovered my Creator eight years ago, or rather He discovered me, those eight years have found me trying to understand my purpose on this earth in relation to the way I view both the world, myself and God. For some this statement might seem a little strange. Most of my ministry life has been spent helping others to understand their purpose. So it would just make sense that I already understand mine. The truth is that for all over us, our purpose and the realization of that purpose isn’t really a one time thing. It’s a journey that, if we walk it, takes us through various stages of enlightenment and maturity. For me, it seems that over the past two years my journey has picked up the pace quite a bit and has also taken more than a few unexpected turns.
In my previous blog I described my different tastes in music over my lifetime and how they continually evolve. In the same way, my understanding of my life’s purpose has seemed to take the same course. The difference is that I am able to look back over my walk with God and pinpoint exact moments where my focus and understanding shifted and that shift led me to a better understanding of where I was being led. Somewhat like a connect-the-dots puzzle. My journey hasn’t been plotted with random pit stops, but rather intended destinations that cannot be skipped.
I always encourage those I am mentoring to pinpoint moments in their life where they said to themselves, “I could do this for the rest of my life” and then find a way to do that for the rest of their life. While I have somewhat accomplished many things in my short time walking my journey, I have never actually walked in the true place of my passion. I have encountered moments of where my heart connects with something deeper than excitement or happiness, but there has not been a sustained season of actually both being and functioning as I was created to. I believe I am about to finally step into the place where that happens.
This past August (2009), something happened to me overnight. I am usually able to explain these moments with some semblance of insight, but to this day this one eludes me. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but I went to bed one man and I woke up another. When I arrived to my home in Moravian Falls, NC from the trip that I had been on, both my mind and my heart began to swim with new vision and previously unimagined possibilities. The journey that I had been on for a year and a half prior seemed to be coming to a head and finally making sense. Why had God branded me with this message of love? What was I supposed to do with it? Why did everywhere I look, I saw needed change without the wherewithal to do anything about it? Why did I find myself so frustrated with what I was doing? I felt out of place in ministry. I felt disconnected with my peers in ministry and even with the people that I was ministering to. Overnight, it made sense. If I was going to be used to create change, I had to make radical change myself. A message becomes a reformation when that message becomes reality in the culture around us. If was I going to be an agent for reformation, I had to begin to reform. If I was going to reform, I needed to go the place where that reformation could take place. I knew that we would have to move. I also knew that I would have to change both the structure and focus of Awake as a ministry. The problem was, it was all still theory. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. Thus, the greatest place of frustration I have ever been in began. Have you ever felt that you were on the brink of lifechanging breakthrough, yet you couldn’t see the means for it? That was until the first week of December.
Let’s back up a bit. In 2006 I was on my way to Santa Rosa, California. I had rented a car at the San Francisco airport and was making the hour drive to Santa Rosa. As I crossed the Golden Gate bridge I heard the voice of God deep in my spirit. He said to me, “If you want to change a culture, go to the cultural center. If you want to see grace run rampant, go the place that needs grace the most.” When Lori and I left Canada in 2007, the Lord reminded of His word to me concerning San Francisco. I asked the Lord if we should go there, in fact we almost did. Although we knew North Carolina was our place for that time. This past December I was in San Diego speaking at a couple of churches and visiting our friends Jerame and Miranda Nelson. We were at lunch one day and I was talking to them about our changes desires and our frustration with where God was calling us to implement this new vision. Jerame reminded me of the word God gave me concerning San Francisco, immediately and without warning, I looked at my wife…. “We’re moving to San Francisco aren’t we?” She smiled and said, “I think so.” That was it. Which brings me to today.
We’re moving to San Francisco. There I said it. Over the past two month, we have been praying, thinking and somewhat planning. I have never felt so excited and so alive in my life. One of the most important aspects of discovering your purpose is discovering the people that you are called to. Until that point, you will never understand and walk in the fullness of that calling. I know this is my place. God tried to launch this message of love once there and I believe there is a people who are ready to fulfill that call in that city. This is where some of you come into play. The following are two videos that I made to send out to a few of our close friends and family. I am posting these for everyone now. The most important part of our initial strategy involves the building of a team to come with us. This call isn’t just for anyone and we don’t expect just anyone to drop their lives and move to San Francisco, but it is for some. We cannot do this without an initial core group of people to say, “I not only believe in your heart and vision, it is my heart and vision.” It’s not about following a ministry to a place to help them, it’s about following YOUR destiny. It’s important that we’re surrounded with people that have various gifts and talents. It’s going to take all of us. You will know if it’s you. God’s faithful like that.
I’m also going to include a video clip that I found two weeks ago. It comes from a night that I was speaking in Florida in 2008. You never know what God is showing you.
At the end of this month we are going to San Francisco for a few days to do a little more specific planning and to meet with some local leaders. After that trip, we will know more specifics. I’ll be blogging the whole time, so look forward to it. If you want to talk more with me, hit me up on Facebook.
It’s going to be an amazing ride and I can’t wait to ride it with some of you. Like one of my favorite artists, Kristene Mueller said, “Keep hoping St. Francis, you’ll be a free man yet. You’ll see the sun shine again over your city streets.”
