Freeing My Mind

Yesterday/last night was life changing for me. I know that’s a phrase, that in various forms, I might have used often over the past while, but it’s true. I’m a different person this morning. I wrote for about 12 hours. It wasn’t so much the writing itself, but it was like a whole new world of understanding was dropped in my lap. Of course, when a few questions seem to be answered, a whole new world of questions opens up. I often joke that if a person is really growing, then their theology should change on a weekly basis. Even though I refer to it as a joke, it’s become quite a serious reality for me. I can honestly say that I have never grown spiritually as much as I have in the past few months. I feel like a new person, with about 100 new outlooks on life. Like I’m meeting God for the first time. Almost as if He’s changed along with me. It’s fascinating to me that God is a single divine entity that express himself so differently to so many different people. I understand that God doesn’t change, but as I come to see creation and the story of my life that He is guiding me through, I feel like He does. This becomes difficult when your attempting to write the final edit on a book that you wrote the manuscript for in February. I am learning to just put a period on the sentence and save some ideas for another book.

For instance: I’m convinced that our understanding of the free-will of creation to be one of the most neglected and integral aspects of a greater understanding of the work of God here on the earth. God has a will in everything, but that will is not always carried out. I believe the world to be made up of these carriers of free-will and that God influence these carriers by offering them/us another way. This would include creation as it pertains to aspects other than mankind as well. The earth itself was created by God, but now, in a sense, has a mind of its own. God doesn’t swirl his finger and create destructive hurricanes, hurricanes happen because of the free-movement of the earth itself. Some would assert that humanity are the only agents of free-will, but I would contest that angels have a free will as well.

At times, I’ve received criticism for promoting the seeking of new ideas. The underlining trepidation is how could we have missed  integral parts of the faith for so long? The Church of Martin Luther’s day held the same concerns. The message of salvation coming through grace alone seemed completely preposterous. As they saw it, that truth had no part in the history of the Church. As we know now, it is a foundational truth. Maybe we should try to understand just how much of our faith is influenced by natural tradition, rather than by truth. Some of this might seem simple to some, but once you start down the road of considering it, a whole world of effects are opened.

And these aren’t even my thoughts from yesterday, just some random ideas bouncing around in my head. Anyway, I needed to write a bit about it and was scared if I didn’t I would end up mulling over them for the next two hours. Thanks for walking through my head with me. Hopefully I can stay in this mode of feeling free to really let myself write with total honesty. If I recall, it’s the whole reason I started this blog.

Feel free to discuss in the comments. I see the site stats, so I know how many people at least accidentally click a link to come here. If you’ve got a thought, leave a comment already! Sometimes I feel like Doogie Howser writing in his journal.

Have you ever considered being inspired by a shell?

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON

The word “repent” means a lot to us here at Freeing My Mind. (And by “us” I mean, me.) The reason behind this is that our modern understanding of repentance is actually very different from what the word actually means. At least the Greek word recorded in scripture. I’m not a Greek scholar by any means, but I do know how to use Google.  Metanoeo, is the term for “repent” in the original language. After reading about 10 different definitions of the word, it is best summed up as “to perceive afterwards”. While this may sound a little confusing at first, it’s actually quite simple. It is a realization that leads to a complete change of mindset. It is an enlightenment that changes one’s life.  In other words, it is a freeing of the mind. The realization that what we once thought and the way we once lived is actually wrong. We come to the understanding that a new way of living and thinking is now mandatory.

While most people come up with pictures of weeping and sorrow when the word repent is used, I believe repentance is actually a joyous thing. It leads to a new state of being and a new lease on life. While repentance does lead to our salvation in Christ, in a grander sense it leads to our understanding of God’s kingdom. It is an ongoing process by which our hearts and minds are continually transformed into the image of God and His creation. Repentance is the foundation of reformation. In order for something to be reformed, we have to first realize the need for that reformation. This comes through repentance.

It might seem like I’m trying to teach here, and I guess I am in a sense, but this is an idea that has formed everything that I believe. The idea of repentance means that the way we once thought is false when compared to our new understanding. If we as people and we as the Church are to continue to grow, then we must have an ongoing heart of repentance. Are you tired of hearing the word. Let me rephrase it. We must have an ongoing heart for reformation. A reorganizing of our lives, hearts, mindsets and purposes.  Without this, we cease to grow and we begin to exist in a perpetual state. True repentance changes almost every facet of our viewpoint. We begin to look at the world different. We see people in a different light. Our understanding and relationship with God becomes more alive.  I can honestly say that I probably go through a process like this at least once a year. A series of encounters with and revelations of God which drastically change my viewpoint. While some might consider this wishy-washy, I would say that it is simply continued growth in God.

There is an idea that I learned during middle-school science. That idea is called the Scientific Method.

The image you see here, is the Scientific Method. It’s simple really. 1) A question is asked. This question begins by analyzing a current existence. We begin to question why that is and if it is actually true. Next, we 2) do background research. We attempt to understand the subject in question and what the current state of thought regarding the matter is. Next we 3) construct a hypothesis. This is a theory about the answer to our question. The next step involves 4) testing with an experiment. We put our ideas up to scrutiny. We don’t simply take our hypothesis and consider is truth because it is what we believe, but we decide that that which is true can stand in the face of questions. Thus, the experiment. Finally, we 5) analyze the results and draw a conclusion. Our idea has now stood in the face of scrutiny and either holds up or doesn’t. This leads us to a conclusion. 6) Either our hypothesis is true or it is not. This is where things get interesting. If our theory turns out to be false, then our original question is yet to answered. In fact, we leave the experiment with more questions than we began with. If our original idea is not true, then that means that actually do not know what is. If it is true, then that idea has now stood up to the test and has come out as true.

“Craig, what in the world are you talking about.” I’m talking about repentance. This is how it actually comes about. We question our current mindsets, think on that mindset, test that mindset and see if how we think and feel is actually true. The only way to really do this is not by testing our thoughts against our natural way of thinking, but against the nature and will of God.

Our problem seems to be that we see true faith as not having any room for scrutiny. If we really have faith, then we shouldn’t question it. This perception is outside the realm of repentance. If we never question and test our mindsets, how can we actually believe them to be true?

“To perceive afterwards”. To come into a new way of thinking due to the process of thinking, testing and concluding.

The, at least, yearly process of change that I seem to go through happens through this method. I see an aspect of my life and beliefs and I begin to question it. I measure it up to what God says on that matter and at times repentance occurs. I realize that my current way of thinking is actually false. I must then begin the process over with my new way of thinking.

With posts such as this there is always a fear of sounding overly high-brow or even pretentious. But again, I’m simply freeing my mind.

Besides, I can blame it on my brother, Chris. He’s the one that got me thinking about this. Which leads me to today’s inspiration. This is a video done by my brother. Do we look alike? He and the rest of the guys at Student Life really do some of the best media presentations around. I think you’ll enjoy it. If not, then ask yourself why.

Today has been insanely busy. We’re trying to put the final touches on a new adventure that we’ve decided to take. Stay tuned to awake.org and this blog for more information on The Cover Project. Hopefully we’ll have more details and the website up sometime next week.

I’m super stoked about tonight. The Awake family is having a homemade pizza party. One of my good friends from Charlotte is coming up and I don’t get to see him very often. You know, no matter how hectic the world around you gets, one constant for me is my family. Not just my blood family, but all the amazing people around me that keep me in check and support every crazy idea that I have. You guys are definitely “my people”.

Now for more updates on the ongoing world of change around me. Lately, I’ve been walking through a lot of cob/spider webs. At least 5 times a day for the past week I’ve found myself pulling webs out of my hair and mountain man beard. Usually every morning I pull at least 3 fairly lengthy strands of wife’s hair our of my beard. This morning I actually pulled a cob web out of my beard. It’s getting out of control. I’m not the type of person that finds prophetic significance in every detail of my life, but there are times when I know that God is getting my attention amongst everyday circumstances. It all makes sense really. Cobwebs are traditionally thought of as representing that which has grown old. Things around me are growing old and stale. I feel like I’m walking around in an old house. I’ve been through some stuff and I’m different, but here I am walking around in an old house that no longer has any life left in it. It doesn’t know you and you know longer know it. So the question remains. Do you restore the house or look for a new one? I think I already know the answer.

Over the past few days, I’ve had more and more of a soberness in my spirit concerning our current state as a nation. I believe that the shaking we’ve been experiencing in the United States and around the world is not over. In fact I believe that certain things will get worse. Recently a trusted friend of mine, Bobby Conner, mentioned that he felt like now was a time to reposition your life and listen to the voice of God more intently than ever before. I feel like this is true. Things are changing all around us. Who we are in God and who God is in us will never change, but our lives will. When you’ve tried to clean out the cobwebs and they keep coming back, maybe it times to get a new house.

Today, your my inspiration

The Cuban sandwich man is back outside. From the looks of the sandwich board, it looks like they’ve introduced Jamaican empanadas. I hope he’s not looking for me. My wife informed me that my loyalty to seeing Little Havana thrive had gone a little too far. The everyday lunch thing had to stop. I think he misses me. Or maybe he’s actually upset that I haven’t been around. Is there such thing as a Cuban mafia?

I’m feeling a lot stronger in both my spirit and my mind than I was at the beginning of this week. I think I’m just going through some growing pains. This happens to me on a pretty frequent basis. A lot have people have mentioned over the past 7 years that there’s an acceleration on my life. In other words, that I’m growing very quick. I would actually humbly have to agree, although it’s not as easy as some might think. I remember as a kid hitting growth spurts, where growing an inch in a month or two wasn’t abnormal. I would lay crying in my bed at night from the pain in my legs. My dad would use IcyHot to try and bring some relief to my aches, but it did little more than replace the pain in my ligaments with icy hot pain on my skin. I would always say, “Dad, why does it hurt so bad.” He would inevitably reply, “It’s just part of growing.”

I’ve felt the same conversation happening this week all over again, only this time it’s between me and my heavenly Father. Growth hurts. (Maybe that should be our next t-shirt…. actually it seems a little too emo.)  It makes sense though. If rapid change is taking place then it would only make sense that the vessel for that change would have a difficult time keeping up. It’s as if the world around me is having a difficult time keeping up with what’s happening inside me. Our current ministry structure, financial structure (more on that after the break), administrative structure, etc. are screaming at me to slow down, all while I am screaming at them to keep up.

This has been one of the most financially difficult summers for us as a ministry. One might want to blame the economy, but my Provider is greater than this world’s economy. Rather I see it as part of our growing pains. From the addition of new staff to the 5 or 6 new projects that we are working on, it has not been easy to say the least. Add to it, that we have not even scratched the surface on what we want to see for 2010. All that being said, I think I’ve actually figured out a key component to the problems that we’ve been experiencing. When I returned from the trip to Canada I mentioned in my first post, the one where all the change in me began taking place, I met with my board members. Now, these people aren’t just a group of people that I meet with on a yearly basis for legal reasons, these guys are some of my greatest prayer supporters and advisers. Amazing people. They were the first that I shared with about what God was doing in me. Part of all of this change has been an intense desire to take my role as a spiritual father to a whole new place. I currently oversee our 5 month internship, but these guys come and go, most of them anyway. I hate that. If I’m being honest, I want to see a true community of believers raised up from the ground up. Something more local that I can pour into on an ongoing basis and that doesn’t require me to be on the road 3 weeks a month. I love traveling, but I’m not the type of guy who can live his life on the road. Over the past two years, while living here in Moravian Falls, I’ve made a series of attempts at doing this. To say the least, it hasn’t worked. After a few weeks/months it always whittles down to just our little Awake family. So, I’m meeting with my board and sharing all of this, my desires and frustrations with my attempts, and suddenly they just stop me. In summary this is what they said. “Craig, your not called to simply a geographical location. Your called to a people group.” At first I was confused. From my childhood days in the baptist church, I understood people groups to be about location and ethnicity. That was until they clarified. “God has given you a message for a people group. Not in the sense of a ethnic group, but a sub culture of various societies. Are you currently surrounded by the people your called to? You won’t operate at your full potential until you are.”

It all clicked for me at that moment. Over the course of the past two years, if not more, God has been reshaping me and reforming my message. I am still going to the people group that I was so effective with 3 and 4 years ago, but the focus of my message has changed. I have changed. I’m not the same person I was and I am no longer simply interested in seeing some miracles and maybe witnessing a revival. I’ve been there and it only made me more desperate for the true desires of my heart. That’s why it’s I’ve been so frustrated. In a business sense I’ve failed at market research. The problems we’ve been experiencing aren’t do to a decrease in God’s favor on our lives and ministry. It’s that it’s shifted to a people that are crying out for the message that we have. Now…. to find you guys. That’s the task at hand.

Cute. My sister/assistant just came into my office and said, “I think Brayden (my nephew) is going through a growth spurt.” I love you so much, God.

much love to you all and especially to my people… wherever you are.

ps: For those of you who only read my blog via facebook, visit awake.org/freeingmymind and leave some comments there.

and now, tight-roll your jeans… it’s time for inspiration

My first day of stress since the “new” me. Yet another milestone. Let me explain.

Why is it that the going theory among younger (see 20′s & 30′s) music lovers is that once a band gains some semblance of success that band is no longer accepted as “cool”? Case in point, one of my favorite bands, Coldplay.

In 2006 I saw Coldplay live for the first time, in Vancouver. To be honest, I knew that Chris Martin was married to Gwyneth Paltrow, but other than that I couldn’t tell you a single song they sang. I went with Lori and a couple of friends. They pretty much dragged me along. The opening act was Fiona Apple. If your in your late 20′s or early 30′s you might be rumaging through mid to late 90′s memories of a song called “Criminal”. I thought she was pretty out there then, but her opening act that night sealed the deal. This girl was whack. If I had any interest at all in being at the show, that act killed it. As I sat sulking in between acts, I was pretty sure the night wouldn’t get any better. Many times, in the midst of situations and atmospheres that carry a strong spiritual presence, I can sense that presence fairly easy. After Miss Apple’s act I felt a heavyness hanging over the large arena and, at the time, I figured nothing short of a mass destruction of the entire place could lift what I was feeling. Then it happened. It was as if a bomb had gone off and immediately cleansed the lingering atmosphere. It wasn’t a fire alarm clearing the arena or a “prayer” being offered by yours truly, but a sound. A sound that swept through the air amidst the roars of the screaming crowd. It was “Square One”. I didn’t know the song and I didn’t know the band, but I knew the sound. It was cleansing and pure. It might seem that I am being overly dramatic about the whole event, but it was a turning point for me. That night initiated my journey to discover God in some of the most unlikely places.

In 2006, although I was late to the party, it was still perfectly socially acceptable to not only enjoy Coldplay, but to place their bumper sticker over the E-machine logo on the back of your laptop. Not today.  It’s there notority that sank them. Shame on you Coldplay for fulfilling your dreams. We won’t stand for it.

Why do we find it so difficult to watch people fulfill their dreams? Is it that we ourselves feel so void of satisfaction pertaining to our own dreams, that we tend to only stand with people that seem to be on the same pitstop of their dream journey as us? Maybe since the first time we were cut from the basketball team in middle-school, we’ve figured it’s better to just not dream at all. Hey, disappointment can never come to somone who never hopes. Seems to me like a terrible life to live. I’m a card carrying dreamer. The lifestyle has its pros and cons for sure, but a life void of believing for something that you’ve yet to see is a life I don’t want to live.

At times, dreaming causes stress. Not in the actual moment that your dreaming, but in the day to day tasks it takes to accomplish your dreams. So, my milestone. Today was the first stressful day in quite some time. I think I’m learning how to balance the now with the yet-to-be.

And now, my inspiration for today. much love

I’m eating my Cuban sandwich for the day. Once again, magnificant. Anyway, this has been a week of various milestones in and around me:  1)I started a blog. 2) Our closest friends in the world gave birth to their first-born. It was quite an experience. 3) The re-imagining and re-launch of our podcast, the AwakeCast (stay tuned for more after the break)  4) Finally got my entire prophetic school in audio form and placed it in our web store. 5)Lastly, our dog Cash, a goldendoodle, stayed home by himself outside of his kennel.

You might not understand why that last one is a milestone, but you don’t know Cash. He’s not your ordinary dog. Sure, like kids, most people say that about their dog. Although, Cash is a different story. He’s like my own personal Peter. In one moment he’s the greatest friend anyone could ask for. The next moment he’s a ravenous wolf attempting to eat children and destroy entire cities. Case in point 1: He eats underwear (women’s underwear to be specific. my wife’s underwear to be more specific.) He doesn’t chew underwear, he actually consumes it… whole. He usually throws it up within a day or so in the yard. Sometimes he doesn’t quite make it that far. One situation had two of my former interns, while wearing kitchen gloves, pulling a pair out of his back-side that couldn’t quite make it through. (No, I didn’t ask them to do it. They were housesitting.) Case in point 2: A couple of months ago Lori and I decided to sit down for a nice quiet evening and watch “Marley and Me“. The movie is about a golden retriever, who despite his destructive tendancies, becomes an objective of love and affection for the characters played by Owen Wilson(one of my favorite actors) and Jennifer Aniston (one of my least favorite actresses). During one of the more dramatic scenes of destruction by the dog, Marley, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Lori and I turned to look at the same time. There was our little “Marley” staring at us, a large bar of soap in his mouth and suds dripping out and onto the carpet. Maybe it seems funny to you.

Back to the milestone. We learned early-on in Cash’s life that he shouldn’t be left alone. Paint pens, clothing, documents and various other objects of importance would simply find their way into his grasp.  Well, I decided that along with the new me, that I should give Cash a chance to enter into a new stage of life. Lori was out of town and between my insane office hours as of late and time spent with the newborn in our “family” I wasn’t finding myself at home too much.  So, at 9:00am I walked out the door, leaving cash standing at the window simply staring. I don’t quite know the emotions that were sure to have been going through his head, but as I backed out of my driveway and onto Price Rd. all I could think about was the first time I stayed home from elementary school by myself. I believe a broken lamp and a “fort” made from every chair, sheet and blanket in the house were only midway up the totem pole of my destruction.

The day went by slower than normal. I didn’t even know if I should tell Lori what I was attempting. I didn’t know if my speech on it being a week of  ”overcoming mountains and reaching milestones” would really play out a thousand miles from the situation. After a day at the office and a few hours spent at Shane and Jess’ (the new parents), I decided to go home and face whatever was waiting for me. As I drove the 5 minutes to my house, I felt like a craps player watching the dice roll across the felt in slow motion waiting to see if this roll would be the same as his 20 previous or if this just might be the one.

As my headlights rolled up the drive and onto the full glass door of my cabin, there he was. Seemingly standing in the exact same spot as I left him. Had he even moved? I hoped not. I could feel orchestral music playing through my head as I grabbed my bag and walked up the steps to our deck. The tympani and symbols building to a crescendo as my fingers grasped the door handle. I opened the door just as the conductor brought the symphony down to a lull. And…….nothing. Well not nothing, but… nothing. Nothing was touched. Nothing was chewed, destroye

d or burned. Everything was as it should be. I walked through the house with my once 80 pound weapon of warfare walking at my side. It was as if he was guiding me through the house, showing me his accomplishment.

As I stood in the driveway that night throwing small branches for Cash to fetch and even as I sat on the couch attempting to w

atch a movie with the big guy barking at me 6 inches from my face, I couldn’t help feeling a sense of pride, both for him and myself. I had given him a chance and he took it. A few weeks ago, God gave me a chance to change my life and I took it. Even with this blog, to most people it might seem like a small accomplishment, but to me it’s a slain dragon. You see, being in the public eye, especially in ministry, people look at you in a certain way. They hold you to standard that not many people can live up to. So, what most people do is attempt to keep the every day and normal “them” out of the public eye. I’ve now committed to putting details of my life, my thoughts and feelings, onto the interwebs for all to see. Should it be a big deal? I guess not. Is it? To me, yes. I think I’m finally learning how to practice what I preach. Change the way things are by attempting to do something different. Color outside the lines. So here I am. Craig. A son, husband, brother, friend. A wanderer and a reformer. Someone who makes mistakes. A lot. But, someone who is also willing to acknowledge those mistakes and change. My hope is that what I’ve been saying is right: Those are the kind of people who change the world.

Oh yeah, my brother, Chris, wrote a blog recently about milestones as well. Check it out.

Your comments are appreciated. And now, my inspiration for today. Time to say goodbye and much love.

inspiration

So, I’m starting a blog. I’ve gone through some drastic changes in my life as of late. Most of you reading this will know that I’m, for lack of better words, a speaker/minister. I have been for about 5 years now. I’d have to say that I’m pretty good at. In fact, I know I’m good at it. Although, over the past while (vagueness intended), I have grown increasingly frustrated with my where we are as a ministry. You see, my desire isn’t the same as many of my counterparts. I don’t want just a big ministry that does what every other ministry has done, but my passion is that which has never been. Something different. Therefore, frustration is a part of my life. Although, that frustration also is what keeps me moving forward.

Now, back to the drastic change. So, about 3 weeks ago I was in Alberta, Canada. Over a period of about 24 hours I began to feel a change inside me. I can’t really explain it. In the past, during drastic changes in my life, I was able to explain just exactly what happened. This wasn’t like that. I still can’t tell you exactly what happened, but something did. One night, during this process, I was watching the UFC on my computer just before bed. If you don’t know what the UFC is, it’s a mixed martial arts organization that has grown in popularity 10 times over in the past few years. Anyway, when I was about 15 years old I started watching the UFC. At this time there were a few fighters who were completely dominate. They never lost and seemingly couldn’t lose. Many of these fighters are back fighting now. During this one particular fight a fighter by the name of BJ Penn was being discussed by the commentators. BJ was one of these dominate fighters during the early days of the UFC. In fact, they nicknamed him, “The Prodigy”. He was good, really good and the thiing about BJ Penn was that he didn’t really train. He didn’t have to, hence the name “Prodigy”. Anyway, during this particular fight, Joe Rogan commented that BJ was having to train now. The fighters around him had caught up to his natural talent and he found himself having to put in hard work in order to keep up with the growing talent within MMA as a sport. As soon as I heard this comment, I also heard the voice of the Lord. He simply said, “Craig, that’s you.” Those words hit me hard. I knew it was true.  You see, I’m good at what I do. I’m talented. I’m gifted. Many people would even say that it isn’t “fair’. Although, what is “fair”? But, I have never had to put effort into it. What God was saying is, “If you add hard work and effort to your natural abilities, nothing could stop you.”

The next morning I woke up different. Changed. Completely. I felt as if I had been born again, again. Certainly, drastic change. I came home more focused than ever. It’s not that I just decided to change. It was as if God’s voice change me. Just His words, they created something new within me. I imagine our whole team is thankful. I have had more fun in the past few weeks brainstorming, creating and changing with our whole Awake “family”. I’ve never had so much vision and belief in what is in my heart. I think we’ve got more projects in our heart that we can even keep up with. The good thing is that, now, we are trying to keep up with them.  I’ve said all of that to say, here’s my blog. A part of that change. I’ve committed myself to writing more. I’ve got more formal writing projects in the works, but I want to use this as an avenue to express my day to day  thought process. At times it should be somewhat insightful and at other times it might simply be random thoughts and goings-on within my life.  Seriously, thanks for taking the time to read. Feel free to comment. much love