Freeing My Mind

The Cuban sandwich man is back outside. From the looks of the sandwich board, it looks like they’ve introduced Jamaican empanadas. I hope he’s not looking for me. My wife informed me that my loyalty to seeing Little Havana thrive had gone a little too far. The everyday lunch thing had to stop. I think he misses me. Or maybe he’s actually upset that I haven’t been around. Is there such thing as a Cuban mafia?

I’m feeling a lot stronger in both my spirit and my mind than I was at the beginning of this week. I think I’m just going through some growing pains. This happens to me on a pretty frequent basis. A lot have people have mentioned over the past 7 years that there’s an acceleration on my life. In other words, that I’m growing very quick. I would actually humbly have to agree, although it’s not as easy as some might think. I remember as a kid hitting growth spurts, where growing an inch in a month or two wasn’t abnormal. I would lay crying in my bed at night from the pain in my legs. My dad would use IcyHot to try and bring some relief to my aches, but it did little more than replace the pain in my ligaments with icy hot pain on my skin. I would always say, “Dad, why does it hurt so bad.” He would inevitably reply, “It’s just part of growing.”

I’ve felt the same conversation happening this week all over again, only this time it’s between me and my heavenly Father. Growth hurts. (Maybe that should be our next t-shirt…. actually it seems a little too emo.)  It makes sense though. If rapid change is taking place then it would only make sense that the vessel for that change would have a difficult time keeping up. It’s as if the world around me is having a difficult time keeping up with what’s happening inside me. Our current ministry structure, financial structure (more on that after the break), administrative structure, etc. are screaming at me to slow down, all while I am screaming at them to keep up.

This has been one of the most financially difficult summers for us as a ministry. One might want to blame the economy, but my Provider is greater than this world’s economy. Rather I see it as part of our growing pains. From the addition of new staff to the 5 or 6 new projects that we are working on, it has not been easy to say the least. Add to it, that we have not even scratched the surface on what we want to see for 2010. All that being said, I think I’ve actually figured out a key component to the problems that we’ve been experiencing. When I returned from the trip to Canada I mentioned in my first post, the one where all the change in me began taking place, I met with my board members. Now, these people aren’t just a group of people that I meet with on a yearly basis for legal reasons, these guys are some of my greatest prayer supporters and advisers. Amazing people. They were the first that I shared with about what God was doing in me. Part of all of this change has been an intense desire to take my role as a spiritual father to a whole new place. I currently oversee our 5 month internship, but these guys come and go, most of them anyway. I hate that. If I’m being honest, I want to see a true community of believers raised up from the ground up. Something more local that I can pour into on an ongoing basis and that doesn’t require me to be on the road 3 weeks a month. I love traveling, but I’m not the type of guy who can live his life on the road. Over the past two years, while living here in Moravian Falls, I’ve made a series of attempts at doing this. To say the least, it hasn’t worked. After a few weeks/months it always whittles down to just our little Awake family. So, I’m meeting with my board and sharing all of this, my desires and frustrations with my attempts, and suddenly they just stop me. In summary this is what they said. “Craig, your not called to simply a geographical location. Your called to a people group.” At first I was confused. From my childhood days in the baptist church, I understood people groups to be about location and ethnicity. That was until they clarified. “God has given you a message for a people group. Not in the sense of a ethnic group, but a sub culture of various societies. Are you currently surrounded by the people your called to? You won’t operate at your full potential until you are.”

It all clicked for me at that moment. Over the course of the past two years, if not more, God has been reshaping me and reforming my message. I am still going to the people group that I was so effective with 3 and 4 years ago, but the focus of my message has changed. I have changed. I’m not the same person I was and I am no longer simply interested in seeing some miracles and maybe witnessing a revival. I’ve been there and it only made me more desperate for the true desires of my heart. That’s why it’s I’ve been so frustrated. In a business sense I’ve failed at market research. The problems we’ve been experiencing aren’t do to a decrease in God’s favor on our lives and ministry. It’s that it’s shifted to a people that are crying out for the message that we have. Now…. to find you guys. That’s the task at hand.

Cute. My sister/assistant just came into my office and said, “I think Brayden (my nephew) is going through a growth spurt.” I love you so much, God.

much love to you all and especially to my people… wherever you are.

ps: For those of you who only read my blog via facebook, visit awake.org/freeingmymind and leave some comments there.

and now, tight-roll your jeans… it’s time for inspiration