can’t wake up
by Craig | April 9, 2010 | In boys, children, girls, sleep, women | 4 Comments
Wonderful. Not exactly what I needed (at least in my mind). I was hoping for a nice relaxing morning before I go to do a leadership meeting at 11:00. I’m in Seattle. It’s colder here and suddenly my hotel room feels quite cold. My Coke Zero doesn’t taste as good as it usually does. Twenty minutes ago I was looking forward to a skinny latte. Now, I feel like a fog rolled in off the harbor. I wanted to read a little. I’ve got a few books sitting on my Kindle for iPhone app. I don’t want to anymore. I wrote some spoken word stuff on the plane last night. If I looked over it now, it would probably seem ridiculous. This is why.
There are times that I feel really strong; times that I actually believe that I could cause The Rockies to lift up from their resting place and take a trip to the ocean. There are other times, that I don’t. This is one of those mornings. I feel weak. Overwhelmed. Helpless, even. Grief-stricken. Afraid.
My heart’s in knots. There’s this, and that. It’s scary where I feel like I’m being pulled. Not lead. Pulled. Dragged. Kicking. Screaming. Crying. Not because I don’t want to go, but because it’s becoming clearer.
But this weekend. This weekend there will be elder’s and deacon’s meetings concerning such lovely topics as ‘new fixtures for the foyer’, ‘how can we get the latest fad or Fad in our church’, ‘cake or pie’, blue or red’, ‘what to do with so and so because they did this and that’. There will be messages touting God’s willingness to make you rich, if you just give them a thousand dollars; indictments of the diabolical plan of the government to take your ‘freedoms’, to take away your guns or malls; messages that promise to give you the ‘key’ to finally be happy and satisfied or to anoint you with power to…. to…. ummm…
catch some zzzzz’s
your snoring
it’s only a dream
if you slumber, you don’t have to acknowledge
go to sleep little one, don’t say a word
you’ll feel better in the morning
5 more minutes
5 more minutes
snooze
snooze
snooze
close the blinds
it’s too bright
blinding even
just a few more minutes
shhhhh
keep it down
it’s not time to wake up
not time to live
i’m comfortable
i’m dreaming
it’s only a dream
don’t wake me up, i don’t want to deal with this…
