Freeing My Mind

I’ve got four months left until baby time. Lori has her shirt pulled up to let her belly breath and she’s licking donut powder off her fingers. It’s getting pretty real now. We’ll find out the sex within the next couple of weeks. A lot of people have asked me if we want a girl or a boy. I decided that it’s a ridiculous question. If I said I wanted a girl, and it was a boy, wouldn’t it feel weird trying to explain that I really don’t care either way? I imagined a conversation where I was telling someone, that knew I was hoping for a particular sex, that we had the opposite sex.

“Oh wow! So, is it a girl or a boy?”

“It’s a boy!”

“Yay! Um, that’s so great.”

“Yeah, it is. I mean, a boy is great. We really didn’t care either way. I know I told you we did, but we don’t. You know, boys are great because they’re rough and stuff. Sometimes girls can be a handful as teenagers. I mean, girls are great too and all, but we’re glad to have a boy… even thought I said I wanted a girl. It’s fine. Really, I’m so happy. It doesn’t matter. Things are great. Lori’s passed out. Yay, a boy!”

“Ummm. Ok”

We’re trying to avoid that scenario. Anyway, Lori’s still pregnant. Her water is in tact and her back pain as well. I’ll let you know when we do.

I guess this is what I have to look forward to.

I think I’m going to start giving you guys a bullet pointed list of my top internet links for the week. Blog posts, pictures, videos and random goings-on. Here we go.

Lori’s blog is absolutely hilarious. Make sure to add her to your RSS reader and give her some comments. She really is an incredible blogger and I’m trying to encourage her to do it more. http://awake.org/loki

My girl, Laura Katherine’s blog. She had a bad day. Leave her a comment. http://ikindofloveyou.blogspot.com/

MyExtraLife.com, one of my favorite web-comics. This one is good. http://www.myextralife.com/comic/fishing/

This is one of my favorite things ever and I thought about it this week. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEbZqvMu2cQ

Anyway, be inspired by all of it.

The eccentric nature of the Bay Area doesn’t end with the people. Even the weather has a strange way of being in opposition to the rest of America. It looks like summertime finally came around. My 5 month pregnant wife sat on the couch yesterday with a fan 2 feet from her face, every window in the house open, her hair resting on top of her head and panting like a dog. I think I heard, “Do you know how hot it is?” at least once every ten minutes. This, mind you, coming from a southern girl who grew up with summer temperatures at 100 degrees with 100% humidity. It was 85 yesterday.

I was finishing up the close-to-final edit on the book yesterday afternoon. After weeks of fog, it was difficult to watch all the people on the beach across the street. It made it worse to see my dog with his head hanging from our fourth floor window and staring at all the privileged dogs being walked by their loving owners. About 7:30, as the sun was beginning to set over the ocean, Lori took Cash outside and left me to my computer. Within a few minutes I started to feel like one of those dads who leave their family to live life and view their only responsibility in life to be work. I untangled myself from the mess of cords that strapped me to my seat like a spider web and went to the beach.

I’m glad I did. It was one of the most memorable times I’ve had in a while. I really can’t believe that I live in a place this beautiful. I actually heard people gasp at the site of the sunset when they walked over the sandy ridge that separates the beach from the highway. It really was amazing. There were several groups of people sitting around. Hippies, families, college kids and a few Asian fisherman. Before I moved out to San Francisco, I expected to find some interesting people and I assumed that Lori and I would fit in well. What I didn’t expect to find was such a tangible sense of God.

Most people outside of California usually view this place as some weird sect of society that is better left to themselves. I think most San Franciscans like it that way. Sure, San Francisco’s issues can be more in-your-face than most places, but the sense of freedom, adventure and togetherness cannot be denied. Life runs at a much slower place here. People take time to enjoy their surroundings and take in the day. People actually stop to be entertained by musicians and street performers. You can find entire families walking down the street together. I’ve watched people carry bags for other people up the steep flights up stairs at the subway station. My first time here I was given a free cab ride, just because my hands were full. The universities and college campuses are true believers when it comes their political activism. They don’t just buy some trendy bumper stickers, they actually help form legislation. After being around some of the large homeless community here, watching people interact with them, I think I understand why San Francisco has one of the largest homeless populations. People give here. They stop and talk to them. More times than not, most people carrying left-overs from a restaurant don’t make it home with them. They end up giving it away. Oh, and I saw a monk with a set of speaks strap to his bike, blasting Journey at full volume, and giving a ride to a little girl. This was last Sunday when they closed down the highway in front of my apartment so that everyone could come out and ride bikes all day. There were so any dogs it looked like they were walking humans. And the highlight: I saw an 8 year old girl working a lemonade stand.

I think if we were to look at regions and compare them to the full nature of Jesus, some of our assumptions about where God seems to be might change. I’m not overlooking our problems, but I already knew about them. Consider this:

What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’  ’I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went. ”Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go. Which of the two did what his father wanted?  ’The first,’ they answered.  Jesus said to them, ‘Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.

Last night on the beach was great. Both literally and figuratively, it was a breath of fresh air. Life is good.

Be inspired:

The book is coming soon. Here’s a clue.

Yesterday/last night was life changing for me. I know that’s a phrase, that in various forms, I might have used often over the past while, but it’s true. I’m a different person this morning. I wrote for about 12 hours. It wasn’t so much the writing itself, but it was like a whole new world of understanding was dropped in my lap. Of course, when a few questions seem to be answered, a whole new world of questions opens up. I often joke that if a person is really growing, then their theology should change on a weekly basis. Even though I refer to it as a joke, it’s become quite a serious reality for me. I can honestly say that I have never grown spiritually as much as I have in the past few months. I feel like a new person, with about 100 new outlooks on life. Like I’m meeting God for the first time. Almost as if He’s changed along with me. It’s fascinating to me that God is a single divine entity that express himself so differently to so many different people. I understand that God doesn’t change, but as I come to see creation and the story of my life that He is guiding me through, I feel like He does. This becomes difficult when your attempting to write the final edit on a book that you wrote the manuscript for in February. I am learning to just put a period on the sentence and save some ideas for another book.

For instance: I’m convinced that our understanding of the free-will of creation to be one of the most neglected and integral aspects of a greater understanding of the work of God here on the earth. God has a will in everything, but that will is not always carried out. I believe the world to be made up of these carriers of free-will and that God influence these carriers by offering them/us another way. This would include creation as it pertains to aspects other than mankind as well. The earth itself was created by God, but now, in a sense, has a mind of its own. God doesn’t swirl his finger and create destructive hurricanes, hurricanes happen because of the free-movement of the earth itself. Some would assert that humanity are the only agents of free-will, but I would contest that angels have a free will as well.

At times, I’ve received criticism for promoting the seeking of new ideas. The underlining trepidation is how could we have missed  integral parts of the faith for so long? The Church of Martin Luther’s day held the same concerns. The message of salvation coming through grace alone seemed completely preposterous. As they saw it, that truth had no part in the history of the Church. As we know now, it is a foundational truth. Maybe we should try to understand just how much of our faith is influenced by natural tradition, rather than by truth. Some of this might seem simple to some, but once you start down the road of considering it, a whole world of effects are opened.

And these aren’t even my thoughts from yesterday, just some random ideas bouncing around in my head. Anyway, I needed to write a bit about it and was scared if I didn’t I would end up mulling over them for the next two hours. Thanks for walking through my head with me. Hopefully I can stay in this mode of feeling free to really let myself write with total honesty. If I recall, it’s the whole reason I started this blog.

Feel free to discuss in the comments. I see the site stats, so I know how many people at least accidentally click a link to come here. If you’ve got a thought, leave a comment already! Sometimes I feel like Doogie Howser writing in his journal.

Have you ever considered being inspired by a shell?

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON

I’m in one of those moods that happens  just after you finish a long project. I feel satisfied, but incredibly tired and relieved. I just finished putting together our 1.5 year strategic plan for Awake: San Francisco and also our new website. It’s been a huge project. It’s finally done. When I’m forced to use my time to do medial tasks, sometimes I wonder if I’m really progressing my life. It seems so insignificant, yet takes up so much time. I know it does mean something. I’ve put together a lot of information and that needed to be done. It’s easy to keep ideas in your head, but until you put them in concrete terms you will never be able to fully live out those ideas. Hopefully that’s what I’ve done.

http://awake.org

Next project: the book. It will be done by Friday. An e-book version will be available then with hard copies following close behind.

I’m so tired I don’t remember how I came across this video, but this girl inspired the hell out of me. You gotta love young reformers. I hope your inspired too.

I’m an avid podcast listener. In fact, I was listening to podcasts when it was just called “internet radio”. I love music, but I have to be in the mood for music. Most of the time I’m more interested in being infotained. Which means to receive information and to be entertained at the same time. I’m a total nerd when it comes to television, books, tech and video games. Many of the podcasts I listen to deal with the culture around those subjects. For instance: A Life Well Wasted, Engadget, Irrational Behavior and the Geekbox. I cut my talk radio teeth on Dave Ramsey when I was in highschool, Jim Rome when I was just a kid and later on Bill O’reilly, albeit through podcast form as well. There was always something about O’reilly that even when you disagree with him, he never failed to entertain. I eventually got tired of thinking about financial planning and politics and moved on to more specific things I was interested in during my leisure time. That being the case, there are still a few shows that consistently inspire me on a weekly basis.

The “Stuff You Should Know” podcast, from HowStuffWorks.com is incredible. I have been listening to this show for quite a while now and I can honestly say I am a better/more informed person for it. The premise is simple: Twice weekly, Chuck Bryant and Josh Clark (two Atlanta, GA based dudes), take a topic and tell you how it works from top to bottom. They deliver the information in an unbiased way that is both humorous and incredibly insightful. Recent topics include: How Lotteries Work, Are There People Who Can’t Feel Pain, How Pirates Work, Did We Really Land on the Moon, What Makes a Genius, How Do You Clean Up an Oil Spill and How Presidential Pardons Work. It’s super interesting stuff and I feel like I’ve learned more from them than I did in 12 years of public schooling. You should definitely check it out.

My go-to podcast for inspiration is a long running show hosted by Ira Glass called This American Life. On most days, it is the most downloaded podcast in all of iTunes. And rightly so. This American Life has been airing on public radio since 1995 through Public Radio International. I picked up the show once it was available in weekly podcast form. Each week has an overarching topic that is usually made up three distinct acts which usually feature some sort of story that loosely revolves around the topic. It sounds simple, but the production values and ability of the producers to consistently find crazy interesting people and stories is incredible.

I have been super busy lately. Between editing the book and putting together  a complete new website with all new information, I’ve been spending most waking moments at my computer. Last night, I needed a break and it just so happened that Cash was losing his mind wanting to go for a walk. While searching my RSS feed for new podcasts I was relieved that Glass and crew had put out a new episode. I need some inspiration. The title of the show was “Promised Land”. It featured three stories of people trying to get somewhere that they had only heard about. The first was a first-person recollection of a young girl’s desire to get to Disney Land when her mother only allowed her to stay at the Disney Land Hotel. The last story was just weird and I think needed the backdrop of the full book that it was taken from. The tale that was sandwiched in between was the really inspiring one.

David Rakoff, a regular contributor to This American Life, had heard stories of enlightenment, cleansing and acute spiritual awareness when it came to the practice of fasting. He had never done it himself, but when TAL came calling he decided that it would be a good time to see if he could achieve the same amount of enlightenment that he had always heard about. David went a 20 day fast, to which he found guidelines to on the internet, under the supervision of a doctor. The first few days of the fast were taxing on his body, but into day four the hunger pangs ceased and he began to feel energized. Throughout the fast he waited for a vision or some sort of feeling of spiritual awareness or even a meeting with God Himself. He talked to other people he knew that had fasted a few times and found that each of them seemed to receive more from the fast than he was experiencing. Through the short time that I was allowed into David’s thoughts throughout the fast, I gathered that he wasn’t just doing this for a radio show, but was actually looking for some peace to life’s problems. During this fast, he never found what he was looking for.

After the fast is over, he reflects on what exactly he thought that he was searching for. He concludes that he doesn’t know exactly what it is, but that it was something “wholly unfamiliar and thrilling”. He compares this longing to being able to witness a new color for the first time; not a new mixture, but an actual color that has never existed before. He ends his story with the statement, “Even though our physical world makes the existence of such a thing basically impossible… I’d really like to see that.”

The desire in his voice, the sincerity of that statement hit me like an anvil in an old Warner Bros. cartoon. His desire resonated inside me. In fact, it’s what I seem to be living for these days. In my walk with Jesus, I’ve had moments where I felt like that color was just around the corner, beckoning me to keep walking. So, I did. I feel the same beckoning in my life right now. I am so thankful for the existence and experiences that I’ve had with God, but there is a desire in my heart that is difficult to explain. I think David articulated it pretty well. I pray that he receives the enlightenment and revelation of God that he’s searching for. I believe he will. Jesus said to “seek and you will find”. In a way, David spurred me on once again. There is a peace, a clarity, that is unexplainable. Otherworldly. I’ve had moments of it, but the peace that we have been promised isn’t just some sort of scholarly theory or Bible verse to be memorized. It’s out there, available. Actual. I’d like to show that new color to David.

Be inspired.

TAL \”Promised Land\” Act 2

Things are coming together nicely. I’m pretty sure I finally decided on the title for my book. Although, I’m not ready to announce it just yet. I’m going to release the e-book version in the next two weeks. That way, you guys (my loyal readers) will be able to stop hearing vague ideas about the book and actually get to read it. I’m getting a bit nervous about it. It’s not that I’m not happy with the outcome, but I feel like I’m sending a child into the world to fend for their selves.  This really is the accumulation of so much of my life and part of me wants to keep it from harm. I’m sure there will be some blow back and maybe even controversy surrounding it, but I feel like this is a moment where I turn a corner and don’t look back. No matter what I say, I’ve always had some reservations about really putting my inner-most thoughts out there.  Much of this project has turned out to be a more of memoir than anything else. But, it’s freeing. I’ve decided to really put myself in the midst of any conversation that arises when people start reading it. I want to hear from and talk to people that like it, but I also want to be available to the critics as well. If there isn’t conversation and critique, then I would have to say that I’ve failed at my goal. I think we’ve read enough stuff that confirms our current beliefs, but how much do we consume that challenges them? Anyway, enough of sounding pretentious. I’ll just say that I’m nervously excited.

The blog will probably be taking on a new look soon. I’m putting together a whole new website for our project here in San Francisco and I’m planning on implementing the blog right into it. Send the Father some prayers for me. It’s going to be a bit of a headache getting everything transfered. I hope you said your goodbyes to Awake’s old site, it’s gone for good. It’s a little sad. I created the entire thing in the middle of the night 5 years ago. That was after a web design company had quoted me $10,000. I decided to take things into my hands. It served its purpose, but the whole look and feel was a little dark. We’re going to lighten things up a bit and add some much-needed features.

The first member of our church-plant team is arriving next week. I’m super stoked. It’s actually quite an interesting story. Laura Katherine and I have known each other since middle-school or maybe even elementary. I’m sure we got into trouble together during high-school, but I probably shouldn’t remember.  Anyway, I was speaking at a conference a few years ago and saw her in the crowd. We stayed connected over the past few years as she relocated to San Diego from Mississippi. She and a friend pioneered an outreach to the arts community down there. It started with a simple Craig’s List (no relation) ad. They posted something to the effect of, “Hey, if your an artist and you want to get together with other artist, show up at (their apartment address) next week.” Pretty ballsy. They weren’t expecting much, but when 75 people showed up, they figured they were onto something. They held “The Collaboratory” once a month and within a few months they had 500 people gathering in a warehouse. Pretty amazing.

So, LK is now moving up the coast to San Francisco. Arts is one of our core focuses out here and she’s going to be a major addition. We’ve got a few more people showing up in the next month and then a whole slew in October. It looks like things are still coming together. It will be great when I can sit down with everyone and do some brainstorming. I’m so excited and I really love this place.

Before we take a commercial break, make sure to follow @AwakeSanFran on Twitter and like our new page on Facebook.

And now, your inspiration: inception.

It’s difficult for me to write about anything else other than the present editing process that I’m going through with my book. I’m finding that giving new language to spiritual concepts, both old and fresh, isn’t as easy as I once thought. I’m a firm believer that in order to change the way we think, we have to change the words we use. The basic purpose of the book is to challenge some of our current thought. In order to do that, I’m trying to find new ways to say things. It’s proving to be difficult.

Take the word “church”. For most people, especially non-believers, this words hold many negative connotations. I’ve been talking lately about redefining what we consider “church” to be. I even put it as the tag-line for the new placeholder on our website. As I talk and write, it seems hard to even use the word without bringing along all the preconceived notions it has. But, how do you speak about the local church and church life without using it. Sure, I can say “community” or “family”, but those words also bring meanings with them. Maybe I’ll make up a new word like Google did. A lot of people have been asking me, “So, what exactly are you guys going to be doing out here/there in San Francisco.” I usually stumble through my words trying to describe planting a church, without using the word. Once the person is thoroughly confused, I just say “we’re planting a church… kind of.” That usually brings at least a bit of satisfaction.

By the way, 28 years ago, at the age of 28, on July 28th, Keith Green was killed in a plane crash, along with two of his children and 9 others. Tonight there is a live Webstream devoted to honoring his life. (4:30 Pacific time) Many of you probably know that Keith has been one of the major inspirations in my life. I encourage you to watch. Also, send some prayers my way. I don’t know Melody Green, (Keith’s wife), but I am considering trying to get her to write the forward for my book. Fingers crossed.

Anyway, I need to get back to the big edit. Love to all my readers. Be inspired.

Last night was quite an interesting night. Lori was quickly falling asleep on the couch, so I decided to look through Netflix instant watch through my Xbox to see if something might catch my eye. I wasn’t planning on staying up too late, but I wanted something to help me wind down. I came to a film called Touching the Void. The ice climber hanging from the face of a steep snow covered mountain definitely got my attention. When I realized that the film was actually a docu-drama (a mix between a documentary and a reenactment of the accounts) I was even more interested. Stories of survival and what they say about human nature have always intrigued me. This particular story chronicles two young British gents who were the first to climb an extremely difficult part of the Andes mountains in Peru. All goes fairly well on the way up, but disaster strikes on the way down. I can honestly say that this was one of the most incredible stories of survival that I have ever heard. The reenactment along with the story  told by the two climbers themselves created one of the most inspirational stories I’ve ever heard. It’s on Netflix instant watch right now, but whatever you have to do to see it, I highly recommend Touching the Void.

As I said, I wasn’t planning on staying up too late, but by the end of Touching the Void, it was almost midnight and what I had just watched made my mind wonder down a dozen different trails. I wasn’t going to be sleeping any time soon, so I figured I would try and find another film that had something to do with survival and the outdoors. I remembered hearing about a specific movie and wanting to see it, but never had. I had no idea that when I finally found it, I was about to watch one of the greatest stories I had ever heard.

Chris McCandless, aka Alexander Supertramp, graduated Emory University in Atlanta, GA in 1990. His father was a rocket scientist with NASA. Chris had everything going for him and would probably never have to worry about money again, but this wasn’t enough for him. He had a desire for adventure that wouldn’t be fed through any normal means. So that summer, Chris gave away his life savings of $24,000 to Oxfam, burned all the cash he had, destroyed all of his ID’s, ceased communication with his family and set out on the road. For the next two years, under the new name of Alexander Supertramp, he traveled the country by hitchhiking, kayaking, train jumping and a lot of walking. His ultimate goal was to make it to the Alaskan wilderness and live alone in the wild for as long as he could with minimal supplies. His love of writers such as Jack London and Henry David Thoreau fueled his philosophy and adventures, until the very end when Chris starved to death while living in an abandoned bus in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness.

The stories of his travels and the people he met and influenced, while changed and at times exaggerated in the movie, were some of the most inspirational I have ever seen on film. Emile Hirsch’s performance as Chris McClandess is stunning and  Hal Holbrook’s portrayal of Ronald Franz, an elderly man that Alex meets just before heading to Alaska, is absolutely moving.

Supertramp’s journey was first chronicled by the author Jon Krakauer in his book Into the Wild and later by Sean Penn in his movie by the same name, which I watched last night. After the movie and until about 4am, I researched the life of Chris McCandless to better understand where he was coming from and what I felt God was trying to teach me through his story. It’s interesting to watch a character that you both admire and at the same time pity. Much of Chris’ philosophy seemed to be flipped on its head right at the end of his life when he wrote in the margin of Dr. Zhivago by Boris Pasternak, “Happiness is only real when shared.”

The last self-photo of Chris McCandless

Chris McCandless took his longing for freedom and adventure to the extreme and and this extremity is what eventually led to his death. Sometimes, though, we can only realize the true force of the God created nature within us when we see it taken to that type of extreme. I think our desire for freedom and adventure is actually one of the strongest emotions we have. We lose this desire when we think that we’ve found freedom, when in reality our fight for freedom is what sometimes binds us. Our adventure out to and now in San Francisco, along with stories such as the these and the stories of people we are meeting here, is awakening something within me. Honestly, I’m scared to death of it. It might not lead me to live a life of solitude in the Alaskan wilderness, but hopefully a life of extreme freedom just the same. I think the message of Jesus concerning freedom and the truth that Alexander Supertramp was searching for are one in the same. True freedom is not found in working to be free, but in being set free from the ropes of worldly success and satisfaction in order to live a life of adventure. The last thing that Chris ever wrote was “I have had a happy life and thank the Lord. Goodbye and may God bless all.”

Drop what your doing and see this movie.